My friend passed away this week. But this isn't a sob entry about my personal loss. Nor is it a contemplative one about how unsettling it is that such a beautiful person who had so much to give passed at such a young age from such a tragic accident. This is a rant- about those shells of human beings trying to mark their name superficially onto a real loss.
Those who walked in with their tight Sheike black dresses, glamorous hair with the balayage perfectly curled, stiletto heels, and flawless makeup as if they stepped off the set of Pretty Little Liars, or Desperate Housewives. Then the waterworks started.
Its funny because I know they were wearing waterproof mascara on purpose. I know what they looked like on a normal day, and it's definitely not Glamazon material. Sorry to break it to you, but a funeral is not where you play out your 'tormented youth' that made you so 'disturbed', even though omg-you-still-look-gorgeous. Nor are you going to meet the love of your life in Hugh Grant form.
I know that the people I'm categorising aren't genuine because I've heard some of them make fun of her before. And I know their tears are cheap because they're the kind who cried while watching Spiderman II, when they didn't even watch or know what happened in number 1. And its funny that some of them can't even wait a day before posting Instagram shots of 'coffee dates with the bestie'. It frustrates me that they seem like her dearest friends, when people that grew up with her and were actually in mourning the whole time felt it wasn't their place to show up because of the intimate nature of the gathering. They didn't get their closure because of their respectful intentions to the family.
But whatever, I bit my tongue because at the end of the day she will know who cared about her. And seeing people there would give some validation and reassurance to her parents. So I guess it was a good thing.
And ultimately, even though she was so young that she didn't get a chance to leave a legacy in terms of a physical impact on the world, or children to carry on her name, and it seems that all that was left was this gathering, which this certain collective tainted; she still lives on through the eyes of those who knew and cared for her- whether it be by forcing them to re-evaluate their priorities and the way they are living their life; or whether it be a direct impact she made during her short time with us.
Because the other side of being young is that part of you can still feel as a child does; wholeheartedly and open to seeing all sides of a person- looking before the walls are built and faces are forced, but at someone's true character. Ready to trust, and ready to grow with. C, I know that you'll live on through the people that cared for you. You impacted many people with your beautiful nature, and will be greatly missed.